Saturday, February 27, 2010

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Friday, February 19, 2010

HOT OFF THE PRESS....from the onion news

Tiger Woods Announces Return To Sex


PONTE VEDRA BEACH, FL—In an announcement highly anticipated by sex fans around the world, Tiger Woods told a small gathering of reporters, family, and lovers Friday that the most dominant fornicator on the planet would soon return to sex.
"Not being able to get out there and have sex has really been tough on me," Woods said. "I've missed it. I love f&*#$g with all my heart."
Woods said that during his brief time away from sex, he couldn't stop thinking about one day resuming his daily regimen of sexual intercourse with random women who look vaguely like his wife, only skankier.
"When I am out there having sex, I am in complete control," said Woods, an acknowledged master of the long game who claims he is only truly at peace when he is between the legs of a woman. "It's just me and my thoughts. And a high-end escort. And the lounge dancer. And sometimes [caddie] Stevie. And probably some stewardess I just met."
"I'm so into it that I usually just block out all the cameras," Woods added.
"To be honest, I'd do this for free," Woods added. "I'm the luckiest guy in the world."
During his announcement, Woods released an aggressive touring schedule that reaffirmed his commitment to sex. He is slated to take part in a three-day lovemaking session in March at the Clarion Hotel in Orlando, and confirmed that he would join a foursome at the Doral Resort and Spa in Miami as a tune-up for his first major bangfest in Augusta, GA.
In addition, Woods said he will not renege on his annual stop in Dubai, and said he looked forward to boning a prostitute on the roof of this year's venue, the Burj Al Arab Hotel.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Amstrad Emailer Commercial.....

just got this e-mailed to me .....definitely worth sharing with the Blog.......click on arrow to play..........Enjoy....

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Updated Terror Alert Warning from our Allies......

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.”  Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross”. The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.  Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to a “Bloody Nuisance”. The last time the English issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

The Scots raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards” – they don’t have any other levels.  This is the reason they have been used on the frontline in the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide”.  The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France ’s white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country’s military capability.  It’s not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout loudly and excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans also increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.”  They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose”.

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.  These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

The USA meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.

New Zealand has also raised its security levels – from “baaa” to “BAAAA!”.  Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister’s bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is “Shit, I hope Austrulia will come and rescue us”. In the event of invasion, New Zealander’s will be asked to gather together in a strategic defensive position called “Bondi”.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be right, mate”.  Three more escalation levels remain, “Crikey!’, “I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend” and “The barbie is cancelled”. So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level. 


Thanks to Marketta fro the Info.....you rock you crazy Czech Biotch.....

Friday, February 05, 2010

Waiting for the Early Dawn Flight from Miami Beach

What else would a wack- job like me do at almost 2:00 am in the morning while waiting for my 4:00 am trip to the FT. Lauderdale Airport....but watching funny Internet Babe Lisa Nova do some political videos.....funny stuff..click on the Title for a link to her Web site.....Hey,,,,everyone .needs a little dose of humor when times are tough....









And Just For Fun......