Chuck Norris doesn’t hit on women, he says “Now.” Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
The Dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. ONCE.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
If at first you don’t succeed, you’re obviously not Chuck Norris.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life there.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris’ shoe. Wilson replied, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Chuck Norris!” The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
To prove it isn’t that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes.
Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren’t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
According to Einstein’s theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
Every time Chuck Norris smiles it saves the life of a dying man. Ironically, Chuck Norris only smiles after he kills someone.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can’t get up the courage to tell him.
2 comments:
hahahahah I saw these before but some of them are hilarious!
except I got upset when I found out he killed SANTA!!! That was a bad one to put up there for the holidays ha
hahaha heatherrr remember our wacko english student teacher who read these all the time!!! Ms. R___ something lol
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