ALBANY, NY—As their deadline drew near and they realized they still lacked an event significant enough to inspire a moving yearbook dedication, the staff of Albany High School's The Annual decided to take action by brutally sacrificing star basketball forward and homecoming king Ryan Edwards last weekend, senior class officials reported Monday."Ryan truly embodied the best of Albany High, and he'll be sorely missed," said a tearful Julie Norstrand, senior editor of The Annual. "It's going to be an amazing yearbook."
Edwards, 18, died in the early hours of Saturday morning after his 2002 Chrysler Pacifica plummeted nearly 30 feet into a ravine five miles north of Albany. The Annual staff, which threw a post-game party Edwards attended that same night, blamed the accident on a combination of acute intoxication, malicious drugging, and vehicle pushing.
Norstrand said the decision to martyr Edwards was made only as a last resort following a school year void of varsity sports team bus crashes, drunk-driving accidents, the deaths of beloved teachers, or any other rich yearbook dedication material.Albany High principal Arthur Lathan announced that a tree would be planted on school grounds in Edwards' memory during the June commencement ceremonies.
"We're all trying to make sense of this tragedy and begin the healing process," Lathan said. "It's heartbreaking. None of us—outside of the yearbook staff, of course—ever saw this coming."
1 comment:
I guess when there's no news, you have to take action!
It's a good thing The Onion makes fun of everyone equally, or else they'd be in court everyday.
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