Part 1 of You Might Be A Redneck If:

1. More than one living relative is named after a southern civil war general.
2. Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.
3. You ever used lard in bed.
4. Your home has more miles on it than your car.
5. You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'oeurve.
6. There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.
7. You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
8. Fewer than half of your cars run.
9. Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass.
10. The primary color of your car is "bondo."
11. You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.
12. You stand under the mistletoe at christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.
13. Your family tree doesn't fork.